A resistance against guilt

Friday starts as a resistance against guilt, followed by a series of thoughts that have become part of my daily reflections when encountered with the reality of, on the one hand, overwhelming debt, lack of support (both economical and moral); and, on the other, a profound passion and satisfaction of doing what I love to do, as well as an immense fulfillment of dedicating every hour of my day to something that makes me happy.

So… in other words, I live a fragmented existence in which the tension of passion and duty, of happiness and anguish, of loving and hating are so intertwined they can´t be separated. Here some of the results of those musings; those deeply contradictory thoughts and feelings articulated as coherently as possible.  Welcome to my soliloquy…

Market flaws
I have always found it interesting -to put it as nice as possible- that our world is based, at least in economic terms, on a model that from my perspective is evidently flawed in several ways. Maybe this antagonist relationship is one of the things that has kept me away from economics while at the same time has made those subjects a sort of guilty pleasure; one whose understanding puzzles me, while pushing me away at the same time it attracts me.

The fantasy world that those ideas create and the blind faith with which they are defended and believed add up to this love/hate relationship I (we) encounter daily. I have to admit, there is some beauty in all that theoretical buildup and that logical coherence, there is amazing talent in the ways that numbers are connected and equations, graphics and ideas are connected. However, once you take a step outside of books, away from the safety of classrooms and fancy meeting rooms; reality seems to challenge all those supposedly infallible theorems. As a student of social sciences, humanities or whatever you want to call what I do -or intend to- I find my day to day constantly failing to obey some of the most basic modern economic laws, here some examples:
– Law # 1: resources are scarce, and scarcity is -among other things- a value granter. In other words, the least there is of something, the more it will be worth, hence diamonds’ value, for example. According to this law, the “stranger” what you do, or posses, the better off you will be, at least in terms of resource allocation. However, this seems pretty far off reality. Every time I look around I notice that there is an “excess” of lawyers, psychologists, businessmen and bureaucrats. However, the economic system doesn’t seem to respond to this scarcity principle. I have never had a job half as well paid as any of the others mentioned before, and whenever I’m out looking for one, no one seems to look at my work and see diamonds. So, scarcity is supposed to grant value, and according to the demand and supply model there should be an excess of demand of that which is scarce, so my “price” (that problematic way of labeling value) should be pretty high; far from reality. I guess my career choice does not obey supply-demand principles, or –most likely- supply and demand theory fails to take some of us into account.



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